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Daily Football League |
| Green River Killers | 
Date Sun Dec 23 5:15:35 p.m. PT 2007
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| Noted malcontent and all-around punk Randy Moss has been named the Green River Killers' "Player of the Century (So Far)" after leading the GRK to their second Krohn Bowl championship in five years. "Randy epitomizes what this franchise is all about," GRK owner Stuart Eskenazi said Sunday as players celebrated in the locker room by dousing one another with bottles of Odwalla Strawberry C Monster smoothies. "I'm sure Randy will overstay his welcome in New England, just as he did in Minnesota and Oakland. But he will always be welcome as a member of the GRK -- unless his salary gets too inflated on auction night." In Auburn, shoppers at the SuperMall stopped what they were doing and began celebrating when the Krohn Bowl-winning Moss TD reception was announced over the intercom. "We're changing the name of our store to 'Randy Moss On TV!'" said Kent Baer, a retarded man who works as a clerk at the As Seen on TV store at the SuperMall. "Or maybe 'As Seen On Randy Moss.'" Revelers continued to party at the mall hours after the GRK victory, enjoying free beef stick samples from Hickory Farms and 4 oz. Orange Juliuses. "This is the greatest day of my life," Randy Moss didn't say, but no doubt was thinking. Gary Ridgway had no comment. -Stuart The GRK: 2007 DFL Krohn Bowl Champions. |