Week 14 is almost finished, but the writing is already on the wall in the playoff hunt.
The Louisville Gaspassers (10-3) [4-1] will receive the #1 seed regardless of the final result of their game with the Alloweds of No Bitchin. Currently sitting on a 24 point lead, the Passers will probably go to 11-3 (5-1), but even with a loss, their next closest competitor will be 9-5.
The Charlotte Snot Rockets (9-5) [6-0] receive the #2 seed, by virtue of their superior division record over the 9-5 Yatta and Head. I had incorrectly predicted they were a lock for the #3 seed previously - once again, I underestimated the ineptitude, er, I mean parity down in Orphan land.
Coming in at #3, the Bakersfield Bradys (9-5) [3-3] have broken the chains of their shame and win the divisional championship curtesy of their superior division record over team Head. Congrats Pajo, it's been, well, a loooong time.
Finally, despite the perfect storm that lined Edling up for a crazy last minute wildcard berth, the 9-5 (2-4) Indy Team Head limps into the playoffs, thankful that the Muncies decided they would rather keep their name another year to please their wife so very much.
So, Gaspassers play Head and Snots play Yattas for the power and the money, money and the power, minute after minute, hour after hour.
In the Shame Bowl, the very disappointed Muncies of The Battlin' (8-6) [2-4] grab the #1 seed. Things line up perfectly for Steve to make the playoffs, and then his team decided to completely stop playing. Wonder if Farah spiked the gatorade....
Coming in at #2 are the 7-7 (4-2) Hotlanta Cavity Fillers. The Fillers had something of a disappointed and injury torn season, but finished out with a nice win over the Sinixii and may be the team to fear in the shame bracket. Unfortunately, he has to play his sister in the first round, who usually kicks his ass.
At #3, the 7-7 (3-3) Hanover Honeys narrowly beat Paj in week 14, proving that Mona does not need Brady after all. In fact, Mona was going to be single-handedly responsible for keeping Paj with the Yattas for at least one more year if both Edling and Sinex hadn't gooned it all up.
Finally, rounding it all out, the Liberals will take the dreaded #4 seed in the shame bowl, with bad karma and fervent wishes of his fellow owners making him the odds on favorite to be horribly and miserably shamed. At 6-8 (3-3), the Liberals make their way in despite desperately trying to get into the draft bowl by virtue of their 72-60 week 5 triumph over the 6-8 (3-3) Dunks. There's the season in a nutshell for the liberals...can't win the games they need but win the one fucking game they really wish they hadn't.
In the draft bowl, the 6-8 (3-3) Dunks are cream of the crop, perhaps placing themselves in position to keep the Palmer-McGahee-Jones/Drew lineup yet another year. They proved themselves a snarling spoiler this week with a nasty slapfest against the CrackMuncyBabies.
At #2 lie the Fumunda Cheesecats. Also a powerful contender down here, the Cheesecats put the Pintos in the car compactor to reach 5-9 (2-4).
* Note - It is vanishingly possible that the Bitches of No Bitching could win against the Passers, which would vault them into the #2 spot at 5-9 (3-3).
If things go as anticipated, the 4-9 (2-3) Alloweds will fall to 4-10 (2-4) and take the #3 spot to face the smelly cats of Fumunda in the first round.
And finally, as anticipated, dragging their rear-mounted gas tank and a whole bunch of coulda-should-woulda, the Exploding Pintos, pride of the Turner Empire, defender of Titan pride and an excellent garnish for olives, will take the #4 seed at 3-11, 1-5. Wow. Brutal season. Good news is that at worst, they will have the 4th pick of the draft, which should allow the Pintos to retain Vince Young.
Nice season, y'all. For those brave few that didn't vote for me to get shamed, this one's for you.
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