Help Center
|
| Guest (Login) Help Center |
|
|
|
1
2
|
| Unbreakable Spoon | 
Date Mon Aug 7 2:17:38 p.m. ET 2006
|
| While we wait for the Keeper selection, any last minute trades, and The Auction Weekend, I thought we could have a message thread of some funny crap to carry us to the festivities.....post your hilarious shit here. When you have to bring your own cup to the party.......... 
|
| Astroglide Ninjas |
Date Tue Aug 8 7:17:25 p.m. ET 2006
|
| http://www.jacksonville.com/cgi-bin/video/play.cgi?id=060804170839 Every time I'm bored at work, I always seem to find the Whips to entertain me... |
| Commissioner |
Date Tue Aug 8 7:58:49 p.m. ET 2006
|
| Parker, is there anything you won't do for exposure? |
| G-FUNK Returns |
Date Tue Aug 8 8:09:47 p.m. ET 2006
|
| Astroglide Ninjas:> http://www.jacksonville.com/cgi-bin/video/play.cgi?id=060804170839 That's good stuff Parker. It's been a long time since I've seen "the sprinkler" performed with such enthusiasm. Ok, here's an actual newscast that aired around St. Patrick's Day in Mobile, Alabama....I also live in Alabama. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8&search=leprechaun |
| Commissioner |
Date Tue Aug 8 8:32:03 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| I guess they couldn't find Tron Carter or Tyrone Biggums for an interview. . . |
| Getsyburg Geranimals |
Date Tue Aug 8 9:24:49 p.m. ET 2006
|
| Um. . . I just. . . I. . . speechless. |
| Spearchuckers |
Date Wed Aug 9 9:54:07 a.m. ET 2006
|
| WOW! Mobile, Alabama. Sweet redneck heaven. |
| the Orange Whips |
Date Wed Aug 9 5:33:53 p.m. ET 2006
|
| I am no longer a member of the Phat Cats... there are certain things that are not allowed in the tunnels beneath the stadium. And I now know what some of those things are. And yes, there are certain things that I would not do for publicity. I just don't know what they are. |
| Commissioner |
Date Wed Aug 9 7:37:46 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| the Orange Whips:> And yes, there are certain things that I would not That sounds like a challenge. Gentlemen, the gauntlet has been thrown down. . . |
| the Orange Whips |
Date Wed Aug 9 8:45:17 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| I offered to have a colonoscopy on TV... but I did not fit the criteria of having enough risk factors and having a TV friendly colon. |
| the Orange Whips |
Date Thu Aug 10 5:36:39 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Here is a great story: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0809063fat1.html?link=rssfeed And if anyone still reads it, Tucker Max just posted a story on his website. He has finally achieved his lifetime goal... a midget. |
| Anal Bum Cover |
Date Thu Aug 10 8:34:01 p.m. ET 2006
|
| Did you see the parady of the leprechaun news story? wow. [url=][/url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUIvtVVMSeM |
| Unbreakable Spoon |
Date Fri Aug 11 9:03:54 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| 2 WEEKS
|
| Shawdads |
Date Sun Aug 13 8:48:32 a.m. ET 2006
|
| Bobby, How much do you pay this girl to post things like this to your myspace??? just wondering. hot stuff  Delicious AppleBottom 8/9/2006 11:46 AM Just thinking of you today... and me... naked... there was jello and Golden Corral rolls involved... and a crowd of people...thats akward... or is it? hmmmm BTW!!! Football season starts this weekend. Im so excited! WHOHOOOO!!! O and I will finally be 21 at the end of this month. Yes there will be a hell of a party that I am demanding you attend. Think about it - Me - Drunk. Enough said. haha I miss you Bobby! *MUAH* |
| the Orange Whips |
Date Sun Aug 13 6:12:37 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Absolutely nothing... she wants me for my mind. And my average sized unit. I rule. |
| Commissioner |
Date Tue Aug 15 10:04:31 p.m. ET 2006
Edited Wed Aug 16 7:22:05 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Not that there is much idle time left but here's a time killer. Just in case you ever wondered which WWII military philosophy is closest to your own. . . http://www.quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=194168 |
| Commissioner |
Date Tue Aug 15 10:12:57 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Or even worse, find a religion. . .Satanism was my third highest score. . .perhaps that is not a good thing. . . http://www.quizfarm.com/results.php |
| Getsyburg Geranimals |
Date Tue Aug 15 10:19:26 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| British/American . . .dang skippy |
| The Zoo of Death |
Date Tue Aug 15 10:30:53 p.m. ET 2006
|
| This is not a joke. Polish/American. Seriously. |
| Getsyburg Geranimals |
Date Tue Aug 15 10:49:26 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| The Zoo of Death:> This is not a joke. Polish/American. Seriously. Did you strongly agree with the infantry trumps tanks statement? I've seen Patton too many times to answer that quiz without bias. |
| The Zoo of Death |
Date Tue Aug 15 10:59:13 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Getsyburg Geranimals:> Did you strongly agree with the infantry trumps Actually, I think it was the strong agree to 'just because the country is gone, the war is NOT over' one. I've seen Red Dawn too many times to answer the quiz without bias. Wolverines!!! |
| Getsyburg Geranimals |
Date Tue Aug 15 11:05:08 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| The Zoo of Death:> Getsyburg Geranimals: too too too funny. Swayze at his best. |
| Commissioner |
Date Wed Aug 16 7:19:58 a.m. ET 2006
Edited Wed Aug 16 7:28:52 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| I am ashamed to admit that my top choice was Italian. I think it may have had something to do with the strong disagree to "I save the last bullet for myself." |
| Shawdads |
Date Wed Aug 16 8:26:11 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Commissioner:> Or even worse, find a religion. . .Satanism was my christianity won by a large margin but somehow satanism, budhism, and paganism all were neck and neck for 2nd with satanism taking the silver. huh |
| Shawdads |
Date Wed Aug 16 8:30:04 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Your army is the British and the Commonwealth (Canada, ANZAC, India). You want to serve under good generals and use good equipment in defense of the western form of life. British and the Commonwealth 94% United States 75% Poland 63% Soviet Union 56% France, Free French and the Resistance 56% Italy 56% Finland 56% Japan 44% Germany 25% |
| Getsyburg Geranimals |
Date Wed Aug 16 10:58:40 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| All this talk of war has got me thinking. War has changed. No longer filled with battles for territory, they're much more complicated. How can Hezzbeloah get its ass kicked and then declare victory? Hell, why not. If someone is willing to print it, why not say it. To combat this crazy world and confirm my reservation at the nut house, I'm considering the origination of a secret society. Similar to a terrorist cell, but American in origin, non-violent, and far more correct thinking and non-religious. Of course, it would not discriminate on the basis of race, religion, as previously mentioned, or affluence. It would keep women out, but only because they have big mouths and can not be trusted, plus, they would unwittingly be the primary source of funding. The church has condemned secret societies and could ex-communicate me, except for one minor detail, they never bothered to communicate me in the first place, so I guess I have no real worries there. Go figure, Madonna sneeks past their radar but Sister Bridget manages to boot me out, that bitch. All secret societies have a purpose, the KKK, the Free Masons, the Order of Skull and Bones, and the Loyal Order of Moose, and this one would be no different. The difference of course would be that members of this society wouldn't be ass-holes. Ho-running womanizers? Maybe, but it would have the US of A as it should be as the purpose of its existence. Shit. . . I'm going to stop here. It's Wednesday night and I'm so drunk that I've thought this through enough to convince myself I could actually pull it off. |
| Unbreakable Spoon |
Date Wed Aug 16 11:21:39 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| I pledge allegiance, to the fag, of the united owners of FFKL; And to the pubic, for which our unit stands, One league, under a Commish, Un-soberable, With video games and houka for all. Damn, that's good!
|
| Commissioner |
Date Thu Aug 17 7:40:30 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Getsyburg Geranimals:> All this talk of war has got me thinking. War has Well Mr. Getsy, I am going to explain exactly why Hezbollah is claiming victory. With a ceasefire now in place and international forces on the way it is difficult to assess victory in a traditional sense. Certinaly, Israel has not fought their last battle with Hezbollah. In any event, here's why Hezbollah can claim victory. . . Hezbollah has not been crushed as an effective fighting force despite weeks of bombing and sometimes intense ground action. Hezbollah still has many fighters and presumably the ability to obtain more arms and training via Iran or Syria. Even if Hezbollah is successfully driven out of southern Lebanon and north of the Litani River, Hezbollah has already shown they possess longer range missiles still capable of hitting Israeli territory. Israeli forces never even entered the Bakau valley which is main conduit of supplies and weapons to Hezbollah. Secondly, and certainly a harbinger of future trouble, Hezbollah has shown they can fight a conventional type war longer and more successfully than any Arab opponent in Israeli history. In past Arab-Israeli conflicts, Arab armies were soundly defeated very quickly and mostly humiliated on the battlefield, not so with Hezbollah. This conflict lasted longer than the Yom Kippur, the 1967 conflict, and the 1974 war. At the end of each of those conflicts the Arab coalition was completely and utterly crushed. At the very least, the IDF's reputation has an invincible force has been tarnished and other Arab nations and groups will take note that Israel can at least be fought to a stalemate. Finally, the civilian deaths and destruction of Lebanese infrastructure has birthed internal sympathy for Hezbollah amongst even more moderate Lebanese and given Hezbollah greater political muscle in the Arab world. Greater political clout is more important than military might in the middle east and more clout for Hezbollah equals more clout for Syria and Iran. Despite the current unfortunate situation in Iraq it is Iran who is the real trouble and will only become more so. In other words, politically speaking, Israel accomplished nothing with this invasion of Lebennon other than politically strengthening their enemies. |
| The Zoo of Death |
Date Thu Aug 17 9:27:56 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Hey, have you guys heard? They found JonBenet Ramsey's killer. At last our long-lasting national nightmare has closure. We, as a nation, can be whole again. |
| Astroglide Ninjas |
Date Thu Aug 17 9:49:21 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| This is the weirdest thread... |
| Unbreakable Spoon |
Date Thu Aug 17 10:10:54 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Commish, where did you copy/paste that political analysis? Tom Monahan? Andrea Mitchell? Jon Stewart? This is a wierd thread...... |
| Getsyburg Geranimals |
Date Thu Aug 17 10:18:22 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Commissioner:> Getsyburg Geranimals: Thank you professor, I really hadn't given it that much thought. I was more interested in secret handshakes and funny hats, but your explanation is appreciated. It seems like Israel over estimated the support of her allies, or, I offer this possible explanation: Win, lose, who gives a shit. It's the big picture that matters. I don't care how much political clout they have, if the good guys are finally allowed to do what they need to do, it won't matter. The UN is a pain in the ass. They convinced the world that the status quo was acceptable in Iraq and elsewhere, and continue to do so using their unquestioned and undeserved moral authority as clout. In Iraq they've sat back and played armchair quarterback. They were against us going in the first place, and why not? Kofi and Co. were benefiting financially from the old regime. They didn't want it to end, and they didn't want anyone to know. Oil for food anyone? They, that is the UN, have enjoyed the moral high ground. This withdrawl could be a feint intended to lure them in to the mix, a rope a dope if you will, to get them out of their armchair and dirty. The US and Britain are playing their way for a change as if to say, "Oh, you can do it better? Peace at all costs? Great. Let's see you try." Why? Because they'll fail. Lebanon and the UN Peacekeepers from fucking Cameroon or wherever are going to create a buffer? They'll bring stability? Nope, won't happen. The UN will be exposed as impotent and guess who they'll ask for help? BAM! All kinds of opportunities to validate our invasion of Iraq and future justification to put the smack down on Iran and Syria should follow. Israel allows herself to be put in a position of UN reliance, and they predictably let her down. Instant moral high ground for the good guys. Think of it as the "anti-semite" card. We've been fighting with both arms tied behind our backs. The UN needs to lose stature in order for us to do what we need to do. |
| Astroglide Ninjas |
Date Thu Aug 17 10:33:25 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| I'm going to make this crystal clear. I will not be doing the elephant walk or anything involving a cookie during auction weekend. 
|
| Commissioner |
Date Thu Aug 17 10:47:48 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Astroglide Ninjas:> I'm going to make this crystal clear. I will not Neither will I, but I am not opposed to funny hats, secret handshakes, or ritual hooker slaying. |
| The Zoo of Death |
Date Thu Aug 17 11:21:44 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| . . .they found the guy in Bangkok, Thailand, and they will be deporting him back to the United States. Evidently, it was a kidnapping gone awry. |
| Getsyburg Geranimals |
Date Thu Aug 17 11:52:32 a.m. ET 2006
|
|
| The Zoo of Death:> . . .they found the guy in Bangkok, Thailand, and Of course, where else would he have been? I think we have a pervert exchange program with Banghkok. On that note, I think I speak for everyone or at the very least Bobby when I say, the little whore had it coming. Ouch. Too harsh, too cold, too heartless, too Bobby. To the Feds who are probably reading this thread now, I'd like to say I'm sorry, only humor was intended. No one is plotting world domination or celebrating the death of a little girl. That's it for me, bring on the Auction Weekend! Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? |
| Unbreakable Spoon |
Date Thu Aug 17 12:43:22 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| The Zoo of Death:> . . .they found the guy in Bangkok, Thailand, and BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) - The American suspect in the killing of JonBenet Ramsey told investigators that he drugged and had sex with the 6-year-old beauty queen before accidentally killing her. This guy looks like a perv..... 
|
| the Orange Whips |
Date Thu Aug 17 12:54:56 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| First, I'm not into little girls. Second, I knew the Chaches were spending a lot of time in Thailand recently... I should have said something. There goes rent. And third, I am very interested in the secret society. But I do have warn you, I am already a member of my college fraternity. And the Free Masons. And I'm a Shriner (although I do not own nor drive little cars / motorbikes). Let me know if I'm still eligible. |
| Astroglide Ninjas |
Date Thu Aug 17 12:56:35 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| I can't believe you let Kitisak Larlarb manhandle you like that...
|
| The Chaches |
Date Thu Aug 17 12:57:09 p.m. ET 2006
|
| Spoon, that guy is a perv, just not the one in question. He can't wear his pants as high as the real guy due to elephantitis of his balls |
| Commissioner |
Date Thu Aug 17 1:23:09 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Apparently, he also suffers from elephantitis of the cranium. |
| The Zoo of Death |
Date Thu Aug 17 1:33:34 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Getsyburg Geranimals:> Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is This is how pumped up I am about auction weekend: 
|
| Unbreakable Spoon |
Date Thu Aug 17 2:40:56 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Apparently Toby Keith has a new movie out, following the storyline of Brokeback Mountain...
|
| the Orange Whips |
Date Thu Aug 17 10:42:42 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Let the taunting begin. I don't even know how to write this, so I will just post my results: Your army is the French army. You are prefer to win your enemies by politics than by sheer action, but when the war has started you will fight to the end with those resources you have and belive in freedom and victory in the end. France, Free French and the Resistance 75% United States 69% British and the Commonwealth 63% Germany 63% Poland 63% Italy 56% Finland 50% Japan 25% Soviet Union 19% I believe that this poll is a tool of the left-wing conspiracy that is... fuck it. I'm too depressed from the results to write something. I'm going to eat some wine and cheese. |
| Unbreakable Spoon |
Date Thu Aug 17 11:09:43 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| the Orange Whips:> Let the taunting begin. I'm too depressed > from the results to write something. I'm going to I believe you are leading us into some kind of French trap by eating wine and cheese. Is there some clue in the fact that you say you are eating wine? Do we need to look back into history at famous quotes such as "Give me liberty or give me death" or Herbert Hoover's quote to end all war quotes, "Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die." How will the French supporter affect us at the Auction Weekend? He will cheer us when we drink to get us drunk, push Browns players onto our roster, and cuddle us with an idea that he has a pair of fours at poker. Its all a trap, I tell you. A French trap. Heck, look at his underarm hair! It's out of control! |
| Unbreakable Spoon |
Date Fri Aug 18 1:56:48 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| So I went to Lex and Terry's webpage to see if they had any calendar girl photos up. I visited their captions page to see what was new, and what did I find? I found that Bobby Parker won one of caption contests! http://lexandterry.com/index-2004.html Congrats Whips, you won something! |
| Commissioner |
Date Fri Aug 18 4:39:02 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060816/sp_nm/life_sports_fantasy_dc I'm pretty sure we all waste a lot of our employers time on FFKL. |
| Shawdads |
Date Fri Aug 18 8:13:17 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| Commissioner:> http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060816/sp_nm/life_sports_fantasy_dc yeah too bad he stole it from will ferell. is this what you've been reduced to as a comic bobby? A cover comic? oh the shame, oh the shame, oh the ...wait no that's just the whips upcoming season. (use the anger on the golf course young jedi) |
| the Orange Whips |
Date Sun Aug 20 5:10:04 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| I told a bunch of folks about winning that. And I did steal it from Anchorman. I even mentioned that in the email to them. And I mentioned that it was something that they use all the time to come in and out of commercial breaks... I'm tired right now. I just had a hard day at work after driving in from orlando this weekend. The weekend consisted of being hit on by an ugly gay guy, a chick that would have been better looking had she been a guy, and a midget convention at the hotel I stayed at. I love my life. |
| Unbreakable Spoon |
Date Sun Aug 20 5:45:03 p.m. ET 2006
|
|
| So it's true, your team name should be the Fruity Smoothies. |
|
1
2
|